The definition of impostor syndrome, according to Psychology Today is a psychological term referring to a pattern of behavior where people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud. Statistics show that women are more likely to experience impostor syndrome than men due to family and social constructs that outline how women ‘should be’. On average, about 70% of the population experiences it. That’s a lot of people.
Have you ever felt like that? Why are 70% of us so harsh on ourselves? We see our self-criticism as justified, and if we believe it, then surely other people must think we’re not cut for the part too. But is this really the case?
“You don’t know what you’re doing, at any moment, someone will catch you out.”
I have impostor syndrome. I pray, manifest, and work extremely hard towards my goals, and when I achieve them, something just doesn’t sit well with me. My impostor syndrome manifests in a mixture of anxiety and failure to acknowledge my own successes, often asking myself the question “Why me?”. “It can’t possibly be me. Did they make a mistake?” Celebrating my own successes feels strenuous because I feel undeserving. Meanwhile, I worked so hard to get to where I am, and continuously work towards where I want to be. But yet, I still feel so undeserving?
“Why did you think this was a good idea?”
I remember the moment I found out I had gotten into my dream university. I had dreamed of going there for the past 2 years and manifested it daily. I knew the layout of my dorm and the classes I would take. I had visualized the different building's pristine architecture that I would be taking my classes in and felt the sun shining on my face as I walked down the street in this new town I would call Home.
However, when the decisions came out, my hope turned into anxiety. I remember opening the application portal already knowing the rejection that awaited me. I didn’t do the ceremonious video reaction because I knew the result would be upsetting. When the confetti filled the screen with the acceptance, I was in disbelief. What I thought would be sheer happiness was just confusion. Even when I stepped foot on that campus, I was still confused on how I landed that opportunity, forgetting the hard work I put in for those 2 years to earn my spot there.
“You’re a failure. You don’t deserve to be here.”
I remember the moment I found out I was accepted to a prestigious film program in the continent. 60 applicants were selected out of over 2000 applicants across the continent, and I was one of them. My initial reaction to getting accepted to the program was excitement. This was the opportunity I was waiting for! It aligned perfectly with the time I had to spend at home before going to university.
However, once I physically stepped foot into the space with 19 other young creatives like me, my very familiar friend crept back into my life. I spent days doubting my place in that program and my ability to actually deliver what was expected of us. The Academy Director spent the majority of the first week informing us on the structure of the program and what objectives needed to be completed when. I didn’t think I was cut out for it. I truly felt like a fraud, and was convinced that I was not capable of achieving what was expected of me. I had plans of dropping out after a few months, if it got too bad and going back to a life that didn’t bring me so much discomfort.
So what is the point of writing all this? To remind you, as well as myself that even though you may sometimes feel like an impostor, that voice in your head is only stopping you from achieving what you want to achieve. It turns into a personal self-fulfilling prophecy where you expect yourself to not succeed at something, and this impacts your mindset making your expectations come true, simply because you think they will.
“You are cut out for this.”
I have completed my first year at a University that I didn’t think I belonged in, and I have succeeded more than I ever thought I could have. In my first year alone, I have been involved in projects and events that I thought were so far out of reach. I tried my best to push past the voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough, even though it would creep up from time to time.
“You are successful. You deserve to be here.”
At the film program where I had plans of quitting after a few months, I got the opportunity to work on two feature films with my peers, where my idea that I co-wrote and was the Production Manager won an award at the 7th Edition of the Africa Magic Viewers Choice Awards. This was huge for me, and made me reflect back to the point where I thought I wasn’t adding any value to the program.
So the next time you ask yourself, “Am I qualified enough to do this?” remember, who says you’re not? Yourself. You’ve already lost there. You are deserving, you are where you are for a reason. You’ve worked hard. You deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Change your narrative and the way you speak about yourself and learn to adopt a growth mindset.
Adala
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